Are We Sleeping on the Power of Pineapples?

What if a pineapple could be your unexpected wingman to a "happily ever after?" It sounds absurd, but bear with me—I stumbled across a TikTok explaining a peculiar Spanish trend where pineapples in shopping carts have become an unofficial flirting tool. Yes, you heard that right! There’s an entire language tied to how you position it in your cart, and it dictates your intentions depending on which aisle you go to.

Gone are the days of subtle glances or lingering around the produce section in the hopes of bumping into the one (gone are the days of “the one”?). Now, you simply turn your pineapple around (apparently, there’s a right way to do this), head to the aisle you want, and voila! A pineapple flirtation begins. What a time to be alive!

I imagine, after all that, you’re probably obligated to actually buy the pineapple. And after that? A health boost since they say it’s great for preventing water retention…

Interestingly enough, my deep dive into pineapple culture wasn’t even about grocery store lovemaking. I was researching Piñatex—ever heard of it? If not, doughhh! Piñatex is a sustainable material made from—you guessed it—pineapple leaf fiber. This eco-friendly, leather-like fabric offers an alternative to both animal leather and synthetic, plastic-based counterparts. Designers have used it in everything from shoes to accessories, and let’s face it—the sky’s the limit when it comes to pineapple. So, maybe think twice before tossing that pineapple. Could it be your next handbag or, dare I say, wedding dress?

Of course, if you’ve got commitment issues, turning your pineapple into a garment might not be the best move. No one likes wasted potential.

But to all the fashionistas and textile engineers out there, we’re calling on you: give us more Piña! We’re ready. Whether it’s shoes, bags, or the next big red carpet moment, we need more of this sustainable innovation.

I’m just waiting for a conversation with Hugo Boss to go something like this: "What about Sir David Beckham in Piñatex sneakers?" Or perhaps, "Imagine Jude Bellingham scoring in a line of pineapple-inspired football boots!" The PR opportunities are endless.

Pineapples might just be the future—of love and fashion. So, next time you’re at the grocery store, grab that pineapple and make it work for you! Oh, and maybe a piña colada while you’re at it. CHEERSSSSS!!!!!